Once upon a time in a bathtub far, far away there lived a bisexual guppy named Sid.  Now Sid was no ordinary guppygranted, he was bisexual but that wasn't the real issue.  The freaky part about Sid was that he was a hermaphrodite, yes a hermaphrodite:

            Noun: (her-mâ-frô-dïte)

            1) creature with both male and female sex organs.

Now, Sid was an unusually lonely guppy.  No one ever visited his bathtub except a few sponge toys, and they had scanty attractive qualities.  Alone he would swim day in and day out, waiting and wishing for his long lost love.  Then, one day, while Sid was swimming his usual lap around the tub, a bar of soap on the side above him caught his eye.  So beautiful, so round, so enticingly slippery... the bar of Dial soap was the prettiest thing hed ever seen.  Hurriedly, Sid climbed up the side to speak to his lovely new friend.  When he got there, he was so excited that he began to eat the bar of soap in an insane, passionate rage.  It was the best time of his life, but, unfortunately, Sid grew severely sick from soap-poisoning and lack of oxygen and died gasping for breath and choking on his own vile vomit.